Like a Lotioned Glove

A Facebook Poem – January 28, 2018


My “more food” face killed any chance at fitness,

Like a new sports bra, supportive but binding.

We ate takeout from a cheap cafe and crafted

Words, composed words in sentences,

Struggled and desired suffering, joy, justice, love,

Abstract concepts like a quick moving virus.

Only mild pain and uneasiness remain.

Which means we can celebrate and maintain

Finding calm ways to party.


I didn’t get my eight glasses today.

I’m not diluted enough to think Trump is the most racist president

But he is codename Penelope and he never goes outside.

Last night he ran, despite the fact he doesn’t even like

The colorful world beyond the White House.


I started these new supplements and now

I’m less bloated, I crave water, I take leaps of faith

Off buildings, I get inspired 10 times a day,

I make love and I hunger and I get free Amazon deliveries.

I feed my face for the children. I worship Americanism.

I eat flavored bath bombs because they just smell so good.


So I brought my ass out after finding a family member

Unconscious on heroin, resuscitated in Hell.

I will answer any and all questions with a gif.

Feel free to steal this status.

Keep this lazy mama warm and resolve to make 2018

The year of yoga classes and cute baby pics.


I remember when real love was something I could just

Sink into, like a lotioned glove.


Photo by Ben White on Unsplash


Is wonky politically correct?

A friend of mine recently expressed concern about her own use of the word wonky. As a teacher she has to be careful of how she uses words around a diverse population of students and she attempts to be politically correct in how she speaks. The last thing she’d want to do is accidentally offend someone.

This makes me think of the word gyp – for example “That movie was such a gyp. I feel like I got ripped off.” In this sense the word gyp is used negatively and the word is a shortened form of gypsy, who are stereotypically known as thieves and con artists. I also hypothesized that she might have an association in her mind with the word honky, which is a derogatory term for white people.

As it turns out the word wonky, meant as unstable, unreliable, or defective does not appear to be derived from any term meant as a slur or insult toward any particular person or group of people. The Oxford English Dictionary (OED) lists it as a “fanciful formation” first used in the early 20th century as an adjective alongside wonkier and wonkiest.

The word wonk, however, when used to refer to a studious or hard-working person, or more specifically someone who takes an excessive interest in the minor details of political policy, is meant as an insult.  In the OED specifically, but not in the US English version, you will also find wonk listed as nautical slang to refer to an incompetent or inexperienced sailor. This word, which is not directly linked to wonky in its origins, was first used in the 1920s. But just to make things confusing, sometimes people use the word wonky or even wonkish to describe someone who is a wonk.

So to return to our original question, is the word wonky insulting to a person or group of people in and of itself? It all comes down to context. If you are using wonky in its more traditional sense as a reference to something unstable, unreliable or defective, you are not necessarily calling to mind a group of politicians squabbling over the minutiae of a new policy. But you might be. I guess it’s just up to you to choose which words you use.


OED Definition of Wonky

OED Definition of Wonk

Grammarist: Wonkish, wonky

Grammarphobia: A wonkish question

Photo by Andrew Neel on Unsplash


A Samoa by Any Other Name

Would a Samoa by any other name taste as sweet? I know this is old news but it comes up almost every year when we pull out our pocketbooks to buy our favorite Girl Scout cookies. Why did the Samoa get renamed to the Caramel Delite? There are several theories on this one (myths to be busted, actually). The myths are more fun and scandalous of course, but the truth is out there and must be shared!

Myth #1: Girl Scouts changed the name because it was offensive to the Samoan people

There is no evidence of this. Besides, who wouldn’t want a delicious cookie named after them? It is theorized that Samoas are named after the island of Samoa because one of the island’s major exports is coconut, one of the cookie’s key ingredients.

Myth #2: Girl Scouts changed the name because Caramel Delite sounds more healthy

Throw “lite” on the end of anything and its diet friendly, right? If you think Girl Scout cookies are healthy in any way, shape or form, you are clearly deluding yourself. If the Girl Scouts wanted to imply that eating cookies was a healthy activity, they would be fighting an uphill battle and losing horribly. But, for shits and giggles, feel free to read this rant I found (not sure if this guy is for real or just trolling but it made me laugh my ass off).

Myth #3: Girl Scouts changed the name

You read that right. The name never changed. Let me repeat that so it sinks in. The name. Never. Changed. Now you might be shouting at your screen insisting that the name did change. You might be yelling that you can’t get your hands on Samoas, that all the Girl Scouts you know only sell Caramel Delites and  that’s wrong and how could they do this to you? What happened is that the Girl Scouts in your area started getting their cookies from a different distributor. The merger of many Girl Scout councils due to a reorganization in 2006 (yes, I know, old news) caused many troops to change which bakery they used.

Samoas can still be purchased, but your girl scout cookie dealer (I mean seller) needs to get her cookies from the right source. There are two companies that are licensed to sell Girl Scout cookies, Little Brownie Bakers (LBB) and ABC Bakers. If her girl scout troop got their cookies from Little Brownie Bakers, she’ll be selling you Samoas. If they got their cookies from ABC Bakers, she’ll be selling you Caramel Delites. Which brings us to (drum roll please…)

Myth #4: Samoas and Caramel Delites are not the same

There is still some debate on this one, including “scientific” studies to determine if the cookies themselves are different in in any significant way. They’re not. The reason they have different names is that they are made by different bakeries. They are made with the same recipe and are the same cookie, just with different names. Many of the other cookies also have different names, as shown below:

ABC[32] LBB[33] Sales[23] Flavor
Thin Mints Thin Mints 25% Thin, mint-flavored chocolate wafers dipped in a chocolatey coating.[34]
Caramel deLites Samoas 19% Vanilla cookies coated in caramel, sprinkled with toasted coconut and laced with chocolatey stripes.[30]
Peanut Butter Sandwich Do-si-dos 16% Peanut butter filling sandwiched between crunchy oatmeal cookies.
Peanut Butter Patties Tagalongs 13% Crispy vanilla cookies layered with Peter Pan peanut butter and covered with a chocolatey coating.
Lemonades 9% Shortbread cookie with lemon icing.
Shortbread Trefoils 7% A traditional shortbread cookie made in the shape of the Girl Scout trefoil.
Thanks-A-Lot 6% Shortbread cookie dipped in fudge with a thank you message.
Savannah Smiles Lemon wedge cookies dusted with powdered sugar.
Girl Scout S’mores Graham cookie double dipped in crème icing and finished with a chocolatey coating.[35]
Girl Scout S’mores Graham sandwich cookies with chocolate and marshmallow filling.[36]
Trios Gluten-free peanut butter oatmeal cookies with chocolate chips.
Toffee-tastic Gluten-free buttery cookies with toffee bits. (Pilot, not offered everywhere.) [37]

Source: Wikipedia

So there you have it. Now shut up and eat your damn cookies!


Sources / Further Reading:

The Crazy Truth About Samoas vs. Caramel Delites

5 Fascinating Facts About Girl Scout Cookie Names